Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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