MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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