bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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