and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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