Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
