You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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