My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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