I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
