The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
