Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
