i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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