i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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