I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
