he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
