I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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