A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
