Apparently you make a good broom.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
