I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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