Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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