dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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