we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
