is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
