Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
