On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
