I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
