No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
