I love how my cats smell like pot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
