So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
