i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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