I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
