I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
