Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
