And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
