Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
