The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
