You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
