I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
