it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
