did you get engaged???
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
