dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
