I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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