i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
