i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
