You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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