last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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