If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
