For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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