So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
