I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
