I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
