apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
