My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
