he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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