She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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